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Dear Alice
Real Fan Letters To Mr. Furnier

The following letters are authentic and reproduced verbatim.
Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Dear Alice,

My oldest son is turning 16 this year and I wanted to do something really cool and memorable for him. I would love to have you and your band come play at his party this year. We have a big old Victorian home in central New York, the beautiful Finger Lakes wine region. We have a great backyard and pool and LOTS of room for you to spread out and enoy a great picnic on a summer day. I would love to show my son that his Dad and I still know how to rock and that we are much cooler than he thinks we are. We are just an average middle class family, we really aren't kooks and seriously would love to show you the town, so to speak. If you and your band and family would like to spend part of your summer vacation here, before you go on tour, we'd do our best to make you feel at home. You's really go a long way with my sons too! Give me a holler if you are willing to talk with me. Keep rockin. I've loved your music ever since I found out how much you frightened my mother! Bye!

Hi alice cooper

my name is d___ Iam fine how are doing these day s Iwant to know some thing where was your ablam walcome to my night mare recard it.s my best one Ilove that songthee blackwiddow how did you and vinceprice meet and weredid you guy's meet why is that song he did aboat thee black widdow was thee only one or did you and him ddo more Ibeen along time fan of your's I live in canada Helifax novascotia hove you ever been here befour I.v been a fan of your's scince thee early 1970.s

your fan always d___ g____ halifax novascotiacanada

I just want to apologize to Alice for my ridiculously bad behavior at his show in Wallingford last Saturday night. I drank WAY too much and got totally out of control. Please forgive me, I promise it will NEVER happen again.

Mr. Cooper,

I have a friend who will be 30 this year. His wife would like to have a huge blowout, but he says no. The only way he said he would go for it is if Alice Cooper was there. We would love for you to come and hang out with us. We will pay for flight or whatever expenses. I can get exact dates, but wanted to see if you were interested. Your company is our only request, no performing, just hanging out with us. I am the General Manager at the local Staples store and T__ is one of my employees.

Please respond,
D___ M___

Hey Alice,

I'm sure you know who I am. I'm that infamous guy who has caused a lot of shit in the past couple of years. Anyway, I need your help now. Actually Ozzy needs your and my help now. I say we both make a personal call at Ozzy's house and stop this nonsensical, audacious, unreasonable bullshit of his family being taped 24 hors a day on public television.

Contact me if your down. Ayight.

June 2005
Photo by Robert Matheu